amarkalam / razzmatazz

this is the lyrics of a tamil song from a movie called amarkalam. 

its beautiful.

so here goes.

Satham illatha thanimai kattaen,(I asked for a refuge isolated from the world),
Yootham illatha oolagam kattaen,(I asked for a world without wars),
Rathathil endrendrum vaegam kattaen,(I asked for passion in my blood),
Ragasiyam illam oollam kattaen,(I asked for a soul without secrets),
Uyirai killatha ooravai kattaen,(I asked for a relationship that doesn't pinch/demand your life),
Ottrai kaneer thuliyai kattaen,(I asked for a single tear drop by itself),
Valigal seyatha vaarthai kattaen,(I asked for words that don't inflict pain),
Vyathukku sariyaana vaalkai kattaen,(I asked for a life/behavior appropriate to my age),
Idigal illatha maegam kattaen,(I asked for a sky without any thunder),
Ilamai kedatha mogam kattaen,(I asked for an obsession that doesn't wreck my youth),
Paranthu paranthu naesam kattaen,(With all my heart I asked for care),
Paasaan illatha paasam kattaen,(I asked for a love without hesitation),
Pullin nuniyil paniyai kattaen,(I asked to lie atop a blade of grass),
Poovin madiyil padukka kattaen,(I asked to lie in the lap of a flower),
Thaanae urangum viliyai kattaen,(I asked for eyelids that shut and sleep easily),
Thalayai kothum viralai kattaen,(I asked for fingers to caress my hair),
Nilavin nanaiyum tholai kattaen,(I asked for shoulders drenched in the moonlight),
Neela kuyilin paadal kattaen,(I asked for the song of a blue cuckoo),
Nadantha poga nathikkarai kattaen,(To walk, I asked for a riverside),

Kidanthu urula pulveli kattaen,(To roll in, I asked for grass,),

Othu padukka nilavai kattaen,(To sleep with, I asked for the moon),

Etti parikka vinmeen kattaen,(To stretch and pluck, I asked for the stars),

Thookkam marantha thookkam kattaen,(I asked for a sleep that had forgotten to sleep!),
Thookkam marakkum kanavai kattaen,(I asked for a dream which makes me forget the sleep),
Boomikellam oru pagal kattaen,(I asked for one daytime for the entire world),
Poovukkellam aayul kattaen,(I asked for a long life for every flower),
Manitharkellam oru manam kattaen,(I asked for all man to have one heart),
Paravikellam thai moli kattaen,(I asked for a mother tongue for all the birds),
Oolagukkellam samamalai kattaen,(I asked for an equal rain for all of earth),
Oorukellam oru nathi kattaen,(I asked for one river for the entire country),
Vaanam olikka nilavai kattaen,(I asked for a moon to brighten the sky)
Vaalum bothe sorgam kattaen,(Even while living, I asked for heaven),
Ennam ellam uyara kattaen,(I asked for all my intentions to become loftier), 

Eriyum theeyaa kavithai kattaen,(I asked for a fiery poem inside of me),

Kaneer kadantha gnanam kattaen,(I asked for a realisation/truth that surpasses all tears),
Kaamam kadantha yogam kattaen,(I asked for an enlightenment that surpasses all desires),
Sutrum katrin sugandhiram kattaen,(I asked for the freedom of the wind),
Sittu kuruviyin siragai kattaen,(I asked for the canary's wings),
Uchan thalaiyil malayai kattaen,(I asked for rain at the vertex my head),
Ullankalil nathiyai kattaen,(I asked for a river under my foot),
Pani konda paadal payila kattaen,(I asked for a song inside my pocket),
Paravaikku irukkum vaanam kattaen,(I asked for the sky that belongs to the birds),
Nandri kedatha naatpai kattaen,(I asked for a friendship that doesn't destroy gratitude),
Nadunga vidatha selvam kattaen,( asked for a wealth that doesn't make me shiver/ tremble),
Malaril oru naal vasika kattaen,(I asked to live for a day in a flower),
Malaiyil sangeetham rusikka kattaen,(I asked to enjoy the music in the rain),
Nilavil nathiyil kulikka kattaen,(I asked to bathein a  moon lit river),
Ninaivil santhana manakka kattaen,(I asked for the fragrance of the sandalwood in my memory),
Vilunthal nilavupol vilave kattaen,(If i fell, i asked to fall like a moon),
Aluthaal malaipol alave kattaen,(If i cried, i asked to cry like the rain),
Yekantham yennodu vaala kattaen,(I asked for solitude to live with me),
Appothum sirikkindra oothadugal kattaen,(I asked for lips that always smile),
Panithulli pole oru sooriyan kattaen,(I asked for a sun like a dewdrop),
Sooriyan pole oru panithulli kattaen,(I asked for a dewdrop like the sun),
Raja rajanin vaalai kattaen,(I asked for the sword/valor of Raja Rajan(cholan)/great king ) ,
Valuvan eluthiya kollai kattaen,(I asked for the scroll/poetry of valluvar(thiruvalluvar)/great poet ),
Bharathiyarin sollai kattaen,(I asked for the words/morals of bharathiyar)
Parthipan kodutha villai kattaen,( I asked for the bow/ bravery given by parthiban(of ponniyan selavan fame) )
Maya kannan kulalai kattaen, ( I asked for the flute of the mesmerising Lord krishna)
Madurai Meenakshi kiliyai kattaen, (I asked for the parrot of Madurai Meenakshi)
Sontha ulaippal sotrai kattaen,(I asked for my bread to be from my own earning),
Thottukolla paasam kattaen,( I asked for affection for as my sidedish)
Malaiyai ponda thanimai kattaen,( I asked for the independence of the rain),
Pullai pondra panivai kattaen,(I asked for humility like the grass),
Puyalai pondra thunavai kattaen,( I asked for the boldness of the storm),
Idiyai thaangum tholgal kattaen,(I asked for shoulders that can withstand thunder),
Ilivai thaangam idhayam kattaen,(I asked for a heart that can bear twists),
Throgam thangum valimai kattaen,(I asked for a resilience that can bear betrayal),
Tholanthuvidatha porumai kattaen,(I asked for patience that never gets lost),
Sonnathu kaetkam ullam kattaen,(I asked for a mind/heart that obeys my command),
Sonnal saagum vaegam kattaen,(I asked for a anger that dies when it's told),
Kayavarai ariyum kangal kattaen,(I asked for eyes that can identify moles/schemers),
Kaalam kadakkum kaalgal kattaen,(I asked for legs that can walk through the times),
Chinna chinna tholvigal kattaen,( I asked for small defeats),
Seekiram aarum kaayam kattaen, ( I asked for wounds that heal fast),
Moodiyillatha moogangal kattaen, ( I asked for faces without veils/masks),
Poliyillatha punnagai kattaen,(I asked for smiles without deceit/ingenuinenty),
Thavalum vayathil thay paal kattaen,( I asked for my mother's milk when i crawled),
Thaavum vayathil bommaigal kattaen, ( I asked for dolls when i jumped),
Ainthu vayathil puthagam kattaen,(I asked for books when i was five),
Aaraam virallai paena kattaen,(I asked for the pen to be my sixth finger),
Kaasae vaendaam karunai kattaen,(I asked for sympathy not money),
Thalaiyana vaendam thai madi kattaen,( I asked for a mother's lap to rest my head),
Kootu kili pole vaala kattaen,(I asked to live in the parrot family/joint family),
Kuraintha patcha anbai kattaen,( I asked for atleast minimal love' affection),
Ithanai kaettum kidaikavillai,(I asked for so many things and yet didnt get any),
Ithilae aethuvum nadakavillai,(I didnt get any..)

kudos mom

to give a big sigh of relief at the first cry,

to get a reassurance with every sight, 

to hope that the clock never ticks when that "reverent" word is first uttered,

to freeze the image of the first swagger,

to be patient as a teacher,

to wonder and believe the addition of every branch,

to be glistened by the leap, even if just,

to be totally content with the presence and 

to pray and hope that the world showers and preserves this bud.

to continue seeing the growing tree like a sapling,

hey mom.. kudos!

quote of the day (qotd)

if you dont indulge yourself, nobody will! - garfield.

cacophony

the last thing i remember seeing was the clock. then i think i saw the ceiling fan. i slept like a log.

i woke up in the morning. to my disbelief it was daybreak. but all i could see was darkness. it was as though there was a power cut. and it happened on a no moon day. or the sun had decided to slumber a while longer.

i woke up. blind.

the first thing i heard was my heartbeat. i had felt it race many times in the past. but i actually heard it now. it was as though i was on the threadmill for long.

then i heard my breathing. i heard it. the air going in and out of the nostrils. and the air meeting some resistance in my chest and my chest expanding. and the rub of my vest with the quilt.

and of course the fan was still running.

the volume control seemed to have been put on an unregulated maximum.. all controls!

i decided to walk to the bathroom. i heard my footsteps making a hard shallow sound on the cold floor below. i banged the suitcase on the way.. it was deafening. the door made a creaking noise. the sound of the latch was from a high note to a sudden blank space.

as i walked back to the sink, i heard the flush filling. drop by drop. i then opened the tap. it was like a thin stream falling into a small falls. i heard the coldness!

the birds in the background. a hooting dog at a distance. few hustled steps outside. 

yes, the solitary machine rumbling past.

i sat down. put the system on mute. mute all.

sounds. my mom calling me. affectionately. my dad telling me to watch out. caringly. my bro shouting for me. by my nick.

the gusty wind on the hill top. the flutter of my shirt. the sound of the breeze as it sneaked through the gap between my eyes and the spectacles. the tinkling sound of the earring of the lady behind me.

the rustle of the leaves. the sound of footsteps on a bed of dry leaves. footsteps!

the screeching brakes. and the sound of my knee banging the road. and people screaming.

many more.

i undid the mute all.

walked to the main door. removed the chain. sound of metal. note by note.

the sun had not gone into a longer slumber afterall. i felt the flashes of light. 

i opened my eyes. brightness. blinding brightness.

strangely the volume controls had gone a rung or two down automatically.

the sense of vision invariably outscreams the sense of hearing. but the very thought of the sounds i've heard brings goosebumps. in my brain!

yes. like the one right now. my mother's calling for me. 

MSD's LSD

to a question by a journalist on whether the team had arrived a day later before the napier test, mahendra singh dhoni had this to say.. "not really. when it comes to the mind it depends on what you are feeding into the mind. the mind doesn't know if its napier or not. you come and say this is napier it believes it's napier., you say it is a day, it believes it is a day. because its about how you treat your mind. if you see, it is abstract. for instance, when people say he's in form, nobody has seen form. it's a state of mind where you are confident and you think very positively and everything you think about is very achievable. it's about how you treat the mind. one day here, one day there doesn't really make a difference."

feel

you may try to suppress it,

but the cumulative build up is irresistable.

the little drops added are propulsive,

and the outburst is binding.

you feel the tears rolling down,

and the lips moistened.

with the feeling spreading to every inch of the body,

the sudden lift and the warmth in the fingers.

the mind is receptive and the heart - content,

and thats when you feel you are on top of the world.

and that you can cut a diamond,

that the wind is with you and the world at your helm.

and that "you" are yourself!

alter ego

the sail is so smooth,

the thoughts - so clear and pure.

the vibe looks so perfect,

but, He rises venomously!

the drop of black is sufficient,

the clarity is effaced.

that laughter with vengeance,

all set to destroy himself!

though the forecast was conducive,

and the shore was in sight.

He seasoned the destiny to be otherwise,

and all that soprano - just digging the grave.

another force shall rise,

to balance Him. Out.

and the sail dented by Him.

the direction shall be steadied and the flagship redeemed.

zoom out

full zoom. my sclera is red. the lacy network almost submerging the white. pupils dilated.

slightly zoom out. my eye lids are throbbing. tears roll out of my eyes.

zoom out further. my cheeks are red. and wet. the tears still trickling down. and the ala of my nose alternately flare in and out.

next. my lips throb. the creases on my forehead are prominent almost like a frown.

skip two touches. and into the screen comes my entire frame. plus my mother rushing into the kitchen. my dad's staring at me.

one touch more.. my bro is not in the frame.

one more touch.. my bro is still not in the frame.

one more.. no.. that was the maximum zoom.

it was indeed a f***ing hot red chilly!

my dream girl

my bike has been my constant companion. ok.. atleast during the last few years of my life. so it was quite appropriate that i was on my bike.

it was a monday evening. comfortable weather. atleast comfortable enough for me to take it easy on the road. anyways, i was riding against the traffic.

then came the "happy" part of my story. it was at a signal. i snaked through the four wheelers and came to an end. the countdown read 60. ahead of me was a two wheeler. and on it was this angel!

she wore a green kurta. i couldn't see her face. she had her hair coloured. long slender fingers. her nails were polished. she had her high heels on.

the breeze brought her fragrance to me and i could feel my heart racing. she was tapping the throttle with her fingers and moved her feet to some internal rhythm. and to me it seemed like an artist at work. i was going crazy!

those sixty seconds seemed like eternity. time had come to a stand still.

i hit the ground with a thumping sound. it was the silence after the "happy" part. me oblivious to the obnoxious sounds of the vehicles behind me. it was time to move on.

but to my shock, the green lady seemed to be in a real hurry. she got off her mark like a tracer bullet. and at the same time every damn vehicle on the road had gained some additional horse power. and whats more the road had shrunk! the green angel slowly distanced herself from me and the green dot swam through the black and white and drifted from my field of vision. and then i lost her in the crowd. in a flash.

what happened afer that was strange. everything appeared green to me. it was as though i had a green veil. i felt my heart pumping blood that was green. the sky had consumed the earth.. but in a all to clear green color.

i reflexly slowed my bike.. just to make sure i din't loose her.. just to make sure i didn't hurry my search. this slow motion monochromatic sequence continued all day. i didn't sllep good that night.

the cold water brought me back to real life sequence the next morning.

i see many colours - pink. red. black. white.

i dont know if she was beautiful. i dont know if she was fair. i dont know if she is tall.

but what i do know is that my dream girl will wear a green suit the day she sweeps me off my feet!

a peacock coloured green suit!